our cab driver is having phone sex.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
