If i come over, it means nothing
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
