So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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