Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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