The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
