Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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