I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
