this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
