You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
