It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Send help, water and tortillas.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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