Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
