i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
