I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
These tits shall not be calmed
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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