Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
