I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
