Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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