you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
