Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
It's shark week go big or go home
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize