You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
