I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
