Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
It's blow job season.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
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