That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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