Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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