Duck Duck Cougar?
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
