I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
