shes about as inviting as chlamydia
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
