he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
