Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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