Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
