Best friends brother. Beat that.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
