oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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