What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
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I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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