that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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