great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
