we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
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Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
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I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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