i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
