Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
