none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
