how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Congratulations! We have a period
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