I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
