She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
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