So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
