I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
