I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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