It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize