Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
