This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
So much rum. So many feels.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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