It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
