I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
