remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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