I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
