alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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