My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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