Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
