He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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