Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
