can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle