When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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