It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
