Texts From Last Night

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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.

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  (403): She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse. http://tfl.nu/lj3p
  Replies (16) Good night (5046) Bad night (859)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid

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  (832): and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid http://tfl.nu/8ij1
  Replies (44) Good night (772) Bad night (3424)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.

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  (313): theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen. http://tfl.nu/by0t
  Replies (16) Good night (1661) Bad night (3339)
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5

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  (850): I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5 http://tfl.nu/td44
  Replies (58) Good night (718) Bad night (4739)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.

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  (860): Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years. http://tfl.nu/9khg
  Replies (78) Good night (6776) Bad night (858)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.

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  (703): Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it. http://tfl.nu/xw76
  Replies (9) Good night (5182) Bad night (1174)
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.

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  (401): No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point. http://tfl.nu/wyuo
  Replies (15) Good night (4543) Bad night (1104)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.

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  (317): Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good. http://tfl.nu/7ot5
  Replies (2) Good night (3240) Bad night (799)
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets

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  (954): I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets http://tfl.nu/eeot
  Replies (10) Good night (1206) Bad night (4067)
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.

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  (305): Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns. http://tfl.nu/2g8z
  Replies (4) Good night (1423) Bad night (652)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages

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  (815): I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages http://tfl.nu/m114
  Replies (4) Good night (724) Bad night (2184)
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.

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  (+61): I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7. http://tfl.nu/on6e
  Replies (10) Good night (1358) Bad night (787)
• Favorite

  (787): View more from Puerto Rico

  I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.

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  (787): I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth. http://tfl.nu/to4d
  Replies (5) Good night (865) Bad night (1057)
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts

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  (910): I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts http://tfl.nu/bmph
  Replies (14) Good night (1209) Bad night (580)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.

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  (207): I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone. http://tfl.nu/cis8
  Replies (3) Good night (1227) Bad night (413)

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