So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
