I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She liked it
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.