hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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