im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
