It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
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if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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