Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
