so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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